Wednesday, June 1, 2011

The Road to Finding Me........Prologue

Life is hard, isn't it?  A lot harder than I ever imagined it to be.  It is so easy to get lost in it.  That is where I am right now, lost.  I couldn't tell you where or when it started, when I lost myself.  Maybe I never fully found myself to begin with.

As hard as life is, people are harder.  Life makes them hard.  Hard to see.  Hard to know.  One thing I have learned in this life is that we all want to be seen and to be known.  The trouble is that life comes at us so hard and so fast that we begin to wall ourselves off.  We get so caught up in the building, stacking our stones until the one thing we want, to be seen and known, becomes impossible.

So, here I am lost behind a maze of walls, wanting to be known, and not even knowing who I am.  I have spent so much time building, running my fingers over these coarse bricks that I have become like them - cold and hard. 

The building of these walls came easily enough.  That is another thing I have learned.  Lots of people are willing to give you bricks in which to build with.  It is the tearing them down that comes harder.  Every time you chisel away a brick you have to work at it, remember who it is from, how it was given to you.  Some bricks are heavier than others.  It isn't easy work.  I am tired of living and being lost behind these walls of stone bricks.  My only way out is to take them down.  I must take them down one by one and instead use them to build a road.  A road to finding me.